what am i to do about this aching heart
that shallows my breath and weakens my will?
what am i to do about this waning spirit
that walks along the edge of extinction?
what am i to do about this darkness
that falls upon me like a thousand silent hammers,
and no matter how cleverly i hide
still finds me like the evening shadows find the forest floor?
what am i to do about these memories that haunt me
holding me down beneath the surface
drowning in regrets?
what am i to do about this endless hope
that drives me onward towards oblivion?
what am i to do about this death that forever follows me
my constant companion upon the rising road?
what am i to do about this love that won’t die
but is killing me slowly?
21,600
the average adult human being takes 21,600 breaths in a single day
that makes 151,200 in a week
604,800 in a month
7,257,600 in a year
today is february 9th, 2011
i turned 38 years old today
i’ve taken 275,788,800 breaths
so far
in my life
275,788,801
275,788,802
275,788,803
275,788,8
dung heap
i am always hopeful
each time
when i start in with this writing business.
and when things really get cookin’ and the iron is in the fire,
i think, ‘this is pretty good shit, really good shit, maybe
my best shit yet.’
but,
then,
sometime later
i re-visit what i’ve written and think,
‘this is all shit. just terrible shit. just the worst shit.
i should just quite all together to save the sighted
world from ever having to be exposed to a single brominic line.’
but,
then,
sometime later
when i have forgotten about my dung heap
and hope crawls up from whatever dark hole
in which she hides,
i start in writing again and thinking,
‘this is pretty good shit, really good shit, maybe
my best shit yet.’